39

(a new song)
Shitcracker box to the shoooooorrre!

38

Wow, you know, that internet thing really took off!

39

After seeing the movie Julie & Julia: "That movie is so inspiring! It inspires me to make you quit your job and cook for me for a year!"

38

(Absolutely thrilled with himself) I made up the most amazing joke in my dream last night and I laughed myself awake!
What do you call Snow White having sex with a dwarf?
Surly With A Minge On Top!

37

I wish I had a foley for my life!!!

36

I'm totally working my Bytes down to the bits over here.

35

I have an emotional goiter!

34

I love emotions!!!

32

Playing Mario Galaxy, and genuinely upset:
"How are these people living without atmospheres?"

31

Middle of the night, we're both asleep, David rolls over and whispers in my ear,
"Run."

30

HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!
(he said this while asleep)

29

(Upon zipping my purse up for me and catching his hand in it)
ACH!!! Zipperburn!!
...I really am an old Jew, aren't I?

27

(While walking and holding a bowl of cornbread stuffing):
Mmmm...troughy.

26

It's a freakin' goddamn obstacle course of nature over here!

25

You clearly don't understand button culture!

24

Science is an imperfect science.

23

What the h-e-double-hell are you talking about?

22

Last night I dreamed I was riding a big pepperoni pizza like it was a magic carpet! I was holding on the the crust and zooming along! And to be honest, I was annoyed because the pepperoni was greasy and was making my underpants soggy.

21

I'm in ur salad, eating ur cheesez!

20

It's Garmanbozalicious!

19

Another thought sock lost in the dryer.

18

He's rendering what we're all thinking!

17

Upon viewing a vast field of wild poppies:
"Where do I double click?"

16

Down with the red spectrum!!

15

The setup: I'm walking with David, and I stop to point something out to him. He keeps walking and sort of spaces out, not hearing me. I catch up with him and ask him what's up, and he says, "I was just thinking that we were like parallel processors, and you went off to do a task, and I kept doing my task...and then you returned and...forget it."

14

I'm better than the Andrews Sisters!

13

That song goes straight to my butt.

12

Gary Busey called. He wants his buck teeth back.

11

Sometimes God works in mysterious and shitty ways.

10

You've obviously never owned a coin before.

9

You clearly don't understand Gherkin (pickle) culture.

8

Frankenstein's Monster called and wants his bolts back.

7

Canadians are so cool. I wish I was Canadians.

6

(Running around flapping his arms)

CAW! CAW! It's the Love Dragon! CAW!

5

You use the phone,
you hear the tone.

4

Unfortunately, it takes all kinds.

3

I don't mean this in any wrong way, but, I love my butt. And I love others to love my butt. And I love to watch you loving...(spaces out for a moment)...my butt.

2

You obviously have no respect for the solar plexus. You don't even know what it is.

1

That chased all the Care Bears out of my tummy.